Darla Ferrara

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October 04

Dead Man Walking

Many years ago, I worked as an EMT for an emergency rescue service in South Orange, New Jersey. When I was taking the courses to qualify, one paramedic gave a seminar on the psychological effects. She described how, not only do you become desensitize to the blood and gore, but you develop a crass attitude about it. Tasteless jokes were very common.


 She told one story as an example. A construction worker had fallen into some type of hole. It was a narrow space. He was conscious and landed on his feet. Before they could attempt rescue, they needed to access his medical condition. The paramedic and her partner walked up to the hole and looked down at the man. Immediately she saw that he had a priapism. If you don’t know what that is, you can look it up, but its something only a man can have and when determining spinal injury, it’s a serious symptom. She knew, as soon as she saw it, that given the circumstances, this man was not going to survive the extraction. He had a grave injury. She turned to her partner and said, “Do you think his back is broken or is he just happy to see me?”


There was a lot of truth in what I heard that day. I found the bloodier the scene the less it affected me. It was the little tragedies that stuck. So what does all this have to do with working in a restaurant? 


If you’ve been to Red Lobster, you know, as soon as you walk in the door, there is a tank full of live lobsters. These poor, doomed creatures exist for one reason, so you can eat them. As a crew, we barely even notice them. When a guest orders one, a cook will go to the tank, and carry it through our bar area to the back of the house. Everyone stops talking and stares at the lobster. Then the comments start, ‘Dead man walking’ is my personal favorite.


I had a guest not too long ago, who loved lobster but had always avoided them live because she didn’t think she could look it in the eye. She asked if we could remove the head for her. “We can do that,” I said. At the time, all I saw was the dollar sign; it’s a rather expensive plate.


Except for the change in color, a cooked lobster looks exactly like a live one .A lobster sitting in the window of our alley, unless it’s huge, has no effect on the servers as they speed past. No one misses a beat. You can delude yourself, unconsciously, and not associate it with death. It turns out, that’s more difficult to do if it’s been beheaded. When this lobster made his debut, people stopped. The cook did an amazing job removing the head, it was an extremely clean cut, but as a result, the lobster looked like it’d been guillotined. It was a horrific site.


I remember thinking the guest was not going to be happy with this. This was much more gruesome than serving it with its head still attached but I was wrong, she loved it. To her, it was no different than a flank steak.


It’s a poignant distinction between the guests and the crew. We live with the lobsters everyday. At some level, we know they are going to die. It’s easy to pack that information away in drawer in your mind … until we see one with its head cut off. The visual effects are sense of reality. Its decadent indulgence to the guest but a little tragedy to us.


I have more lobster stories but I’ll wait for the next blog. So now, this weeks quotes:

Quote One:

My friend Angel reminded me of a great quote this week. Adel ... yes Adel, he an old school server, in his mid forties, with a thick Middle Eastern accent. He was walking behind Angel in the alley when he stopped her and said, “Angel, when you walk your butt looks like tilapia floating in water.”

Quote Two:

We had a cantankerous table this week. Every once in a while, we get a table, I don’t know, they’ve had long day. It’s hard work vacationing in Florida. When they come in, it’s a challenge to make them happy. We try though. One member of this particular group had ordered salmon. She returned the plate to our manager, Bonnie, because she had requested her salmon ‘boiled’ and we gave it to her ‘broiled’. In case you’re wondering, no, we don’t boil salmon at Red Lobster.


Till next time,
Peace,

Darla






11:35 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

September 26

Endless What?
I'm off today from my column at Newsflavor.com although you can see one that I wrote yesterday, The Death of Helter Skelter  ... make sure to give it a read. My readers are starting to pick up. It's only my third column so I'm feeling good about that. Anyway on to todays Anecdote.

Every year Darden Restaurants runs a a campaign called Endless Shrimp. There are two things that always surprise me about it.

1. Some people wait all year for Endless Shrimp. I don't know why that surprises me exactly but it does. In some ways, it's a testament to the loyal customers that Red Lobster attracts.

2.  Endless Shrimp also means Endless Bread. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. As a server, I don't really want to spend the next four hours getting you shrimp. For you, it's a one step process, you just have to decide what shrimp to order next. But for me .. it's at least four steps. I come to your table, I go to the computer and order your shrimp. I go to the window and pick up your shrimp then I bring it back to the table. Four Steps. Add to that, the fact that shrimp is salty, so I'm going to have to keep refilling that drink. It's twice as aggravating if you are drinking what we call a Kissimmee Cocktail (water with lemon). So when I come over and ask you if you want more bread .. I'm more than happy to get that for you. So what's the surprise .. our once a year guests forget how good the bread is. Endless Shrimp is a bit of an optical illusion. What it really means is ..all the bread you can eat, plus a salad and side order .. than a few shrimp to fill up the remaining space in your stomach.

Of course, there are the exceptions .. always. People come in and try to break the record. There are a few that have figured out ..
don't eat the bread, don't eat the salad .. save room for the shrimp and they make the most of the term Endless.

My favorite guest story for Endless Shrimp 2009 is:

One guest came in with his family. Took a minute to tell me that he looks forward to Endless Shrimp every year. Thanks for that warning. Then proceded to order shrimp. Sometime around his seventh order, he told me to make sure there was no rice with the shrimp. Several of our shrimp dishes are served on a bed of rice. I asked him, "Oh, you don't like the rice or are you just saving room?" He answered, "No, I had a gastric bypass. There is certain foods you can't eat after that." He continued to eat shrimp for the next two hours, leaving me wondering how someone could eat that much after weight reduction surgery.

I'm struggling a little for quotes lately because of our diminished hours at the restaurant. The economy is running ramped at RL435, unfortunately, but I did come up with two.
Quote #1
We have a server named Richard. His outward appearance is a bit deceiving. He's probably about my age, salt and pepper hair, mustache. He looks a little bit like he should be somebody's butler. He keeps his head down and moves through his tasks at a good, steady pace, regardless of the challenge. But underneath the seemly steely exterior is one razor wit. Now I don't want to go too deep into the details of this story, its a family restaurant. Let's just say, one of our guests accidentally flashed a part of her anatomy. Something Richard referred to as massive. The children she had, probably thirty years ago, were well fed. After being exposed to this, Richard claimed, calmly, in a Richard tone of voice,  "I am scarred for life."

Quote #2
Comes from guest I had a few years ago. A five year old boy at my table, looked up at me and said, "I would like to cut your head off." I was a bit taken back by this, its not something I hear everyday from a complete stranger. I asked him, "Why would you want to do that? You don't even know me." His answer was, "I just want to see what it would be like." His parents were a bit horrified but didn't appear surprised by his statement. I asked them, "So what will the little sociopath be having for dinner?"

Till next time, order my book and read my column,
Peace
Darla



10:55 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

September 20

Subtle Ironies
Today I'd like to discuss the subtle ironies of working for, if you will excuse the expression, the man. RL435 is owned by a rather larger conglomerate. I'm not going to name names (whisper, Darden). There are a number of subtle ironies involved when you work for such a huge, successful company. One of my favorites is the oxymoron commonly used there: fresh frozen.

This is a term created to suggest to our guests that while we admit the product you are about to ingest was at one point frozen food, it was frozen while it was still fresh. Of course I think that could probably be said about fish sticks served at your local elementary school too but not nearly are eloquently as we say it.  

Last night I got a feel for another type of irony. Of friend of mine has worked for RL, I believe it is going on nine years. He is a favorite among guests and frequently has call tables. That is tables that come in and request to be sat in his station. They were so impressed by him, that they came back. Not by the restaurant or the food but by the server. Anyway, to make a long story short, he was let go after being caught eating a piece of shrimp out of the window. The GM claimed this was stealing.

In the same week, I was present when a guest called and complained about another server. She stated that the server failed to sing Happy Birthday to her son when they had visited the restaurant the previous week. The not so subtle implecation was that we owed her something for failing to do this. We have a reputation as a company that gives free food to guests that are disappointed in some way.

That is not considered stealing.

I was dazzled by the irony of the two situations that occurred in the same week. Now I don't know if this GM made the right choice. In her mind, I suppose, it was a question of integrity. I like to think that a higher power was stepping up and telling him that it's time to move on. This is something he and I had spoken about numerous times. He knew it was time but had been unable to take that step. Fate took it for him and personally, I think its a good one.

 I don't know if there's a point to be made or if I'm  just rambling. I guess, as a writer and an artist, the subtle colors of life always make me go hmmm... Sometimes it feels a little fresh frozen to me.

Quotes from 435:
A server that we call Little Sarah, if you read my previous blog you know she will forever be referred to as Little Sarah, till the end of time, said, "Oh my god, I just called that woman ... Sir."

This one is sort of old but still one of my favorites. A guest asked me, "What kind of cheese is in the mozzerella cheese sticks?"

Till next time,

Darla


8:45 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

September 17

Changing the blog ...
I have been struggling with blogging. I have to admit, it is a function that I have never fully understood. As a writer, however, it is a necessary part of being successful ... or so I am told. The problem is that being an author doesn't really mean that I'm an interesting writer.  I have been racking my brain for things to put in my blog that won't put the average intelligent reader to sleep. It finally occurred to me that although I hope to become fairly well known as an writer (if not at least paid as one), my main source of interaction comes in my second career, as a member of a highly entertaining and creative group of people that we lovingly refer to as the crew of Red Lobster 435. These people have been my family for the last five years. One of the best parts of being a member of this community is the flux of interesting people that come through, both as employees and as customers. I hope to offer analysis of humorous events that occur during my time there as well as post some quotes. So to start, my current two favorite RL435 quotes. Over time, I think you will start to get familiar with the cast of characters.  

Quote #1 comes from a server that we call Jon B.  At 435, we tend to give labels to people that they are forced to endure for the rest of their lives. Its a trend that I have always found interesting. When someone moves on they still carry that label with them for some reason. In the past we have had:
Crazy Robert, the busboy
Mike with hives
Big Sarah, medium Sarah and little Sarah
Mike the bread guy
Just to name a few. So the quote from Jon B. A guest of his, when asked how his food was, said, "Brilliant fish ... absolutely brilliant." Jon's response was, "Well, it wasn't that brilliant, after all it did get caught."

Quote #2 is from our tiny lovable manager, Bonnie. "Oh my god, you know I almost dropped my drink when you said that." Bonnie is a bit like a goldfish thrown into a bed of sarcastic, narcissistic sharks.

So that's it for today, I hope to began posting regularly. So until next time.

Darla


11:20 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

August 20

The Next Book
I've been receiving a number of questions via email and messages about the next book. It is a thriller titled Rubber Ball - 49 Cents. I am well into the writing, however, with the editing process being what it is, I don't anticipate the release until at least this time next year. I am going to post a mini preview so you can get a taste of it. You can view the prologue here:
Sample Rubber Ball - 49 Cents

The Mezzo Magazine interview in progressing nicely. I will announce when it has become live. I hope everyone will read and enjoy my short story, Snow Globe. If you have a kindle, I hope you will take a look at my current book, Living with the Gray Tones here:

Living with the Gray Tones - Kindle

Kindle sales have been surprising. They started slow but have taken off just recently.

Question and Answer

Q: Do you have any advice for wannabe writers?
A: The best advice I can give is to post your work on peer review sites. The best that I've come across is theNextBigWriter.com. There is a fee for this but the critiques and reviews are most honest. Writers are the worst critics in the world so if your work passes their scrutiny then you are definitely on a roll. I hope to see you there.


Until next time,

Peace
Darla


11:24 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)